All About Bob

What's up. I'm Bob. I'm eighteen years old. Actually I'm seventy seven, but in your human years I'm eighteen.

I live in a flash house on King Street. I've got lots of babes that I check in on throughout my day, but only when I'm ready. Got to keep them women curious!

I never fight, because I don't have to. No other dudes come around my house anymore, because I've kicked all of their asses. I'll kick your ass if you don't pay me the proper respect. Chump.

But it's cool. I'm a laid back kinda cat. Don't want any trouble. When I see you, if I like you, I'll walk right over to you and stop. That's your signal to pet me. You can also pet me when I'm sleeping, because I'm a cat and we go for that sort of thing. But don't ever try and pick me up! I'll squirm like a two-year old tomcat and you'll never want to pick me up again.

This doesn't mean I won't try and sit on your lap, because I definitely will - especially if you're in one of my favorite seats. Also, no matter where you pop a squat in my house, if you have any kind of meat for lunch, I'll materialize out of thin air right by your side. You know you want to give me a slice of that ham.

Yeah, I been kickin' it for a long time now. Outlived most of the suckers on this block. I let these humans use my crib to help out all the other animals in my town. Gotta be cool like that, you know? Give something back to the community. So I do my part, and let these humans come and go every day as they please. They pay me the proper respects, though, cuz they got this place locked up tight at night, with security alarms and everything. They won't even let me stay in my own house at night, cuz they're afraid I'm such a badass I'll set off the alarms!

It's all right, though, my day doesn't even start until it's dark out. They think all I do is sleep all the time, but really I'm just saving my energy for the ladies later on.

Life is good.

So if you're ever in tha Hutt, be sure to stop by and pay your respects. If you don't, it's no skin offa mine, but you would have just missed out on meeting the coolest cat in NZ!