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Saturday, February 03, 2007

Submitted for your consideration

"Brooksie is a mild-mannered man, living out his utopian dream in the heavenly countryside of New Zealand. Little does he know, however, that what lurks beneath his very feet is a tumultuous chaos of fire and brimstone.

It seems ironically cruel that Brooksie would move halfway across the planet, risking his life by taking to the skies, only to end up being swallowed up by the very earth he has come to admire so much.

It is unfortunate as well that he flew his beloved cats all the way across the world to be here with him, worrying the entire time about their safety, when all he did was fly them to be right there with him, on the Doorstep To Hell.

Brooksie never knew what he was getting himself into, because like any other man he could not possibly have understood the alternate dimension of reality he had just torn into.

For Brooksie has entered a place where no sane man would dare go knowingly. He has just discovered... the Twilight Zone."

{cue eerie Twilight Zone theme}

Indulge me, if you will, and follow this link.

When you have finished reading the material there (don't worry, there isn't much), return to here and we'll pick up where we left off.

Go on, I'll wait right here for you.

Back? Okay, good.

I've only mentioned it in the titles of some of the pictures that I've taken, so most of you probably don't know the name of the subdivision in which I live here in New Zealand. It's Totara Park.

Did anything in particular jump out at you when you read that little blurb on Wikipedia about my beloved neighbourhood?

The American-themed streets? Well good on ya for noticing the coincidence (when I first drove through here to look for a flat and saw a street named "California Drive" I took that as a 'sign' - haha! get it?), but that neat little tidbit isn't what I'm talkin' bout.

You also wouldn't know this from the stub, but the stretch of the Hutt River that we are embanked upon is where they shot that cool scene from Fellowship Of The Ring wherein Arwen outruns the nine Ring-Wraiths and sends them all hurtling down the river in a giant tidal wave of horsey revenge.

No, it's this little line here, mentioned in a sort of 'oh, by the way...' fashion at the very end of the stub:

Most, if not all of the geological faults that run through New Zealand, run through Totara Park at some point or another.

Wanna run that one by me again, Slim???

You mean to tell me... I live in Earthquake Central?!

Yeah, let's not call it "Totara Park" anymore, but perhaps something more fitting like, "Come Here To Die" or "Kids Stop Jumping On Your Beds Or We'll All Get Sucked Into The Abyss"!

The fault-line thingy sure wasn't in the estate agent's brochure about my house! And they also failed to mention that Totara Park was Ground Zero for all of the tectonic plates in our corner of the Pacific Ocean in that very cool earthquake exhibit they've got goin' on at Te Papa. Sheesh, if I'm lucky I'll get to live the whole thing out right here in my living room!

I'll certainly be charging admission.

All right, that's enough whingeing out of me right now, but I remain a little disturbed by this revelation. If I didn't choose to live here, I could live dangerously close to the water and maybe be sucked under by a tsunami one day. Or I could live high up on one of the many hills in the region, safe from the watery reach of a tidal wave but perilously close to 'slip' territory, wherein the entire house (or just half of it) could go slip-slidin' away down the hillside on a river of mud. Wouldn't that be a fun way to sign off.

Ah, no matter what, you always put yourself in harm's way just stepping out your front door. And I am not one to live in constant fear of when or how I just might snuff it. In fact, to go down in an earthquake would actually be a pretty cool way to go. (Right, Atlantis?) Better than choking on a ham sandwich or earning a Darwin Award in some fashion!

Just the same, though, I think I'll get me one of them seismograph thingies. No, not one of those fancy electronic ones, with all the bells and whistles. I'm talking about the 2,000 year old ancient Chinese one, with all the frogs and dragons!

Don't make 'em like they used to!


Blogger Beechball * said...

All the frogs and dragons; that was too cute. I am glad you made a funny at the end of your post because you had me all worried there. I most certainly would have wanted to 'know' these things before buying a house in that sort of area, but you know what... like you said, there's danger everywhere you go so there's no need to live in fear all the time, you'll just end up being an agoraphoabic freak! I'm sure you'll be A.O.K. but maybe you could 'research' a bit on the things you could do in the event of an earthquake. We actually had one here in Sudbury, Ontario not too long ago - it was really weird! It was like 4. something and scared the hell outta the city and the surrounding areas... then there's me, fast asleep missing the whole damn thing. I was so mad I missed history, grr! ANywho... stay safe!

1:34 AM  
Blogger Brooksie said...

Ohh, 'agoraphobic' - good word! You are so right. Earthquakes be damned, I'm gonna live wherever the hell I want! But, I'll also research a bit what to do in the event of one. Don't feel bad about sleeping through your historic earthquake, Lyndsay, for I've slept through at least a half dozen since I've lived here! If I'm right on a fault line and it quakes and doesn't wake me up, I really am screwed :D

5:38 PM  

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