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Thursday, March 29, 2007

"I must've been on drugs five minutes ago."*

I have come to a realization in the past few days: This blog is an integral part of my New Zealand experience. Actually, it goes much beyond that, as it is very much a part of my life now.

After posting the other day, when I genuinely felt it was time for me to take a break, I was visited by an old, familiar and unwelcome sensation. That being, a feeling that I had erroneously broken off a relationship - for reasons that felt right at the time but upon reflection now felt absurd. I felt wrong, as if something important was now suddenly missing, and I badly wanted it back.

Okay, I’ll not be that maudlin about it, but suffice to say I made a big mistake.

And now I aim to correct it.

The other night, after a particularly draining and challenging experience in acting class, I came home to post and abruptly felt as if my blog had become stagnant. I looked at my ‘posts-in-waiting’ (of which there are about a dozen) and my recent topics and felt that things were getting a bit random. My themes were lurching all over the place, and not everything was having to do with New Zealand.

In similar fashion, I felt like everything I did in 'real life' was something I was critically evaluating for how ‘bloggable’ it was, and suddenly everything seemed fair game. From how many mochaccinos I had in one day (five) to my strange habit of getting to the last few knife-loads of peanut butter at the end of the jar and realizing it required far too much effort to scoop it all out of there and onto the sandwich. So I’d just buy a new jar and start all over again. But I wouldn’t throw out the old jar, since I didn’t want to waste anything, as there would be nearly a whole sandwich's worth of peanut butter in the original jar! So my thriftiness, combined with a weakness for the allure of that smooth, drool-inducing surface of a newly-opened jar of peanut butter, has served to give me this particular quirk. And about four open jars of peanut butter in the pantry.

I wasn’t sure what was worth writing about anymore and what was truly interesting and meaningful to me or to anyone who cared to read about it. So I felt like it was time to force a little distance between myself and the blog for a while, knowing that I could never truly stop writing it. Just that I wanted to break out of a rut I felt I had fallen into and to gain a fresh perspective.

Something along the lines of how, when you finish writing something for school, it’s best not to immediately proofread it but rather put it in a drawer for a few nights - if not a couple of weeks (depending on your deadline) - and use a set of fresh eyes to critically evaluate it later on.

But I just can’t put this blog down, as I had stated it, even for a little bit. So chastise me for the ‘false start’ (or stop, as it were) and please accept my apology for giving you all the run-around! I love writing this blog and have found that I cannot enjoy my day without thinking about it and viewing the world with more of a writer’s eye. It has become an inseparable part of my whole New Zealand experience, and to broaden it out quite a bit, part of my life in general.

I am Brooksie, and I am a blog-aholic!

*As spake by Farmer Ted in that glorious 80's movie, Sixteen Candles.

2 Comments:

Blogger Beechball said...

YAYAYAYAYAYAYA!!! THAT totally MADE MY DAY! Thanks so much for sticking around... you leaving would have made it really hard for me to stick around also but you're actually the only one who ever really posts on my blog, when I get around to posting them! And PLEASE understand that no matter what you write, you're very talented and it just comes out so well! You're everyday doings are just as interesting to me as your character boased stories and etc... because they tell me more about who you are! I enjoy it all, so please don't think badly of your writing abilities. On that note... sorry for having such a terrible blog. I would LOVE to blog more often, as I had done in the past, but I just have had so much to do that I haven't had enough time to post anything, let alone anything that sucks, lol. Due to the time constraints, though, I'm going to assume it's best that I don't post more often because ick... how boring! lol I am so happy that you're not leaving because I truly enjoy your writing! Don't feel you HAVE to write something everyday... but if the mood strikes, then do it up! :) I gotta get ready for schoolio, but you have an amazing day and I can't wait to hear/read the next edition of brooksie's blog! :)

11:50 PM  
Blogger Brooksie said...

You are too kind, Lyndsay! Thanks for all the nice compliments, and I have to say that I really enjoy your blog as well. I'd hate it if you stopped blogging, too! I'm glad you're keeping busy, even if that means we all have to do without while we wait for you to post again. Your hard work means you're doing good in school and that's what really counts right now. You have a great day too!

5:19 PM  

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